What If Poltergeists Were Real?

Where do they come from? How do we get rid of them? And how much drama is a poltergeist going to cause me?

OK, so exactly what is a poltergeist? Well, a poltergeist is a specific type of ghost that’s said to torment and harass its victims. They’ve been known to move furniture, make loud noises, break valuables, and throw things at unsuspecting mortals.

They aren’t some long-lost loved one trying to communicate with you, or a friendly spirit with unfinished business. Poltergeists are malevolent, horrifying spirits that only want to ruin your day.

In summary, they’re a bunch of jerks. Now, imagine that being haunted by a poltergeist is as common as having bugs invade your home. But instead of having bedbugs, your bed is levitating off the ground.

What could you do about it? Well, if poltergeists were real, there would be a whole new industry of ghost hunters and ectoplasmic exterminators. And their business would be booming.

And real estate agents could offer spirit cleanings as part of their home marketing packages. The only problem with that is that poltergeists tend to latch onto a person, not a location.

So to satisfy that need, new businesses offering “personal haunting cleanses” would open up. Kind of like a spa day, but instead of taking away stress, they’d be taking away a terrifying spirit. Poltergeists would also have an impact on our relationships. Let’s say that you live with a bunch of roommates, and you’re experiencing some major poltergeist activity. How could you find out which roommate brought the spirit in?

And is it even OK to call someone out on being haunted? It’s not exactly a conversation you’d look forward to. And don’t even get us started on how it would affect your romantic relationships.

On top of having to deal with your partner’s baggage, be it their family or their exes, you’d also have to deal with their poltergeist baggage. And you thought your mother-in-law was trouble.

So, with this new spike in poltergeist activity, who’s most at risk of “catching” one? Well, according to experts, poltergeist activity is usually linked to the presence of children. Most notably, young girls. Right. Of course, it’s going to be creepy little girls.

Why is that? Well, poltergeists are commonly summoned by young girls who are hitting puberty. The argument is that young girls have hormonal fluctuations, sexual tension, repressed anger, and more.

You know how moths are attracted to light? Well, it’s basically the same thing, but poltergeists are attracted to people with unresolved emotional stress. So, in light of our lives turning into a real-life horror movie, we’re thankful to say there is no scientific evidence that poltergeists exist.

But that hasn’t stopped 45% of people in the United States from believing in ghosts, demons, and other supernatural beings. So, if we keep looking, who knows what we may find?
And if poltergeists are real, well, that opens up a whole new world of spectral speculation.