How to Survive a Swamp Full of Anacondas

4 min read

Wait. What’s that moving in the water? It’s also there! And there! Look at the size of this thing! You’re now struggling in the water, fighting off a monstrous snake that can swallow you whole. Getting out of this one will take more than luck, my friend. These huge snakes can grow up to 9 m (30 ft) and weigh up to 250 kg (500 lb) of pure muscle. They can squeeze your body with a force comparable to an elephant sitting on your chest, crushing your bones and your lungs, preventing your blood from reaching your brain until your oxygen runs out. Then, they can start eating you whole. If you think they only live in the rainforests of South America, think again. Due to animal trafficking, in recent years enormous anacondas have invaded the Florida Everglades, devastating the state’s native species. Now you’re the one who has to face a swamp full of the world’s biggest and hungriest snakes. But we’re about to tell you how you can use the anaconda’s greatest strengths to your advantage.

Step 1: Avoid mating season

Most of the time, anacondas are solitary hunters, but during mating season, up to 12 males will take part in a unique mating ritual called a breeding ball. They’ll surround a female in an all-out battle to mate with her. During this period they are aggressive and will not hesitate to attack you if you are nearby. These displays usually last from March to May, so avoid visiting the Everglades during these months.

Step 2: Look for the bottom

Anacondas take advantage of murky waters to camouflage themselves, waiting for their unsuspecting prey to approach until it’s time to strike. If you’re in a Florida swamp, stay in your boat if you can’t see the bottom. There could be a gigantic beast swimming past waiting for you to get closer.

Step 3: Grab some tools

You missed your step and fell into a slithering ball of gigantic, hungry anacondas. You need to get out of there. Grabbing any tool you can get may be the difference between life and death. If you’ve fallen off a boat, grab a paddle or an oxygen tank, anything that can help you float, fight or keep a snake from wrapping around your body. Anacondas need to expose their entire body to grab you, which makes them vulnerable to counter-attacks. You’re in the middle of nowhere, so that knife you should be carrying can come in handy here.

Step 4: Go for the head

An anaconda’s skull and jaw flexibility allow it to swallow large prey, but there’s a tradeoff. Their skulls are so flexible that they don’t provide much of a protective buffer for their central nervous system. If you’re in a life-or-death situation, grab a rock and aim for the head.

Step 5: Keep your pets at home

Invasive species are a major threat to native environments. If you have an exotic pet, keep it at home to prevent it from becoming an invasive species, and if you can no longer take care of it contact the authorities or a rescue agency. They’ll know the best way to humanely relocate your pet without threatening native wildlife. But if you’re into these dangerous reptiles, you should know what mistakes can kill you if you ever get bitten. Spoiler alert. Making a tourniquet is a terrible idea. We can tell you why, here on How to Survive.