How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

5 min read

Brainsss. Rotten, reanimated and ravenous for humans. The dead are rising from their graves. The whole world is in a frenzy. The infections are spreading fast and it’s overwhelming our defense.

Zombies have swarmed folklore and pop culture all throughout history. They’re often depicted as insatiable, reanimated corpses, or infected people spreading a deadly virus. Either way, they’re never in a good mood to come back from the dead, and they’ve got a craving for fresh human flesh.

Do you stay put and hide from the zombies? Do you get out as soon as possible? And what should you do if you’re surrounded by zombies?
Here’s a few tips that might save your skin, and your brains.

Step 1: Run

Hunkering down in a city might look like a good idea. You can live in the fanciest buildings. It won’t be hard to find supplies, and you’ll have access to loads and loads of food. That’s what I’m talking about. But, food and supplies aren’t the only things you’ll be swimming in. Soon enough, you could be surrounded by thousands of zombies.

A study by the University of Leicester theorized that in a about 100 days, humankind would fall to the apocalypse. There would be less than 300 human survivors, and the zombies would outnumber us, a million to one. So, get out of the city and as far away from populated areas as humanly possible.

From what movies have told us, zombies are terrible swimmers. Finding refuge on a boat would be your safest bet to get away from zombies.
And, whatever you do, don’t head straight to the gun store once the news breaks out. Sure, it may seem like a good idea to defend yourself. But, tons of panicking people scrambling to arm themselves doesn’t make for a good situation.

In a stressful situation like this, there’s bound to be friendly fire, and a number of misfires. You’re hurrying to get out of town, but there aren’t any bodies of water nearby. Where should you go now? Run to the hills.

Step 2: Zombie-proof Your Safe House

Unfortunately, you’re stuck on land where the zombies have a better chance of having you for dinner. The next best place to go are hilly, mountainous regions. Hopefully, you won’t run into a pack of zombies that were hikers in their past lives. Most zombies will have a hard time wrapping their heads, or lack of a head, around unstable terrain.

Once you’ve found an elevated spot, you’ll want to find a building made of concrete, brick or metal. Anything weaker, like wood, drywall or glass could easily be torn down by a horde of zombies. Fortify all of the entryways. Barricade the doors with furniture, board up the windows, and block off your fireplace.

Santa won’t be paying you a visit this year, it could be a hungry ghoul coming down your chimney. All is quiet, the final board is nailed in. You’re safe to breathe a sigh of relief. But, you can’t hide here forever. You’re going to have to head out and gather some food and supplies. Get ready.

Step 3: Suit Up

Fashion a suit of armor out of anything you can find. Hockey pads, gloves. Oh, and a helmet to protect your brains. After all, it’s better to look weird and be safe than to be zombie chow. Likewise, arm yourself with anything you can find to protect yourself. When in doubt, always stay away and avoid fighting the zombies. You should only use your weapons if they get a little too close for comfort.

Step 4: Gather the Essentials

Don’t drive to the supermarket, the loud noise could alert the zombies to you. Again, you’re going to want to avoid densely populated areas, so your trip to the store doesn’t turn into a bloody one. Gather enough bottled water and non-perishable items, like canned foods, to last you a minimum of a few weeks.

Stock up on important medications, first-aid supplies, and emergency supplies such as batteries, a cell phone, and a radio. Look for warm clothes and bedding to keep you comfortable too. It might get a little chilly if there’s no one around to keep the electricity and heating running.

You’re done gathering the supplies. But, there are a lot more zombies outside than when you first arrived. There’s nowhere to go. You’re going to have to get up close and personal with these ankle biters.

Step 5: Mask Your Scent

You might be able to handle one or two zombies, but there are way too many out there to fight. Try to hide until they leave, or create a distraction. But if all else fails, you’re going to stroll with the walking dead, and you’re going to have to smell like them too.
Camouflaging yourself in zombie flesh or guts could mask your smell from the zombies, letting you walk right past them. Gag, I think I’m going to be sick.

Researchers at Doane College in Nebraska even concocted a perfume to help camouflage against zombies. They call it, Eau de Death. Ah, how romantic. It uses two chemical compounds that a decomposing body produces, putrescine and cadaverine. The result, well, smells like rotting flesh.

Maybe we could just arm ourselves with bottles of Eau de Death in a zombie apocalypse. You made it out bite-free. Now, let’s wash off these zombie guts. While hordes of hungry zombies might seem far-fetched, there are lots of other things in the world that could eat us.