Hey, it’s not you. It’s me. I think that we’d be better as friends, don’t you? So, I think we should see other people because, well, I want to keep my options open. I guess I’m setting you free.
A breakup is never easy. Feelings of rejection, fear, and abandonment are common responses to this change in your life. So, how can you find closure and move on? And what is the best way to start over? Can understanding the five stages of grief help you get through this?
We can almost guarantee that you’ll experience a breakup at some point in your life. So, to better survive it, follow these tips.
Step 1: Feel all the emotions
Understand the grieving process, and let yourself feel all the emotions. Embracing the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance will help you better understand the emotions you’re going through. It may even allow you to get over the pain of the breakup sooner.
And don’t try to mask your feelings with substances or negative behaviors. The feelings are going to come at some point. Masking them with drinking or drugs will only delay the inevitable. And, it will only leave you with some unfortunate and unhealthy new habits.
Remember the famous statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce? Well, that’s from the ’80s, and now the chance of divorce is only around 39% in the United States. So the divorce rate is dropping.
Step 2: Delete them
Delete your ex from your social media accounts. You don’t need to see their posts and what they’re doing. As they’re moving on with their life, watching it play out online will not help your grieving process. Unfriending your ex will prevent you from focusing so much on them.
It’s OK to be angry, and it might help if you direct some anger toward your ex. But be careful not to act on it. It could get you into trouble. It may help if you remember all the things that annoyed you in the relationship instead of focusing on what you loved most about your prior heartthrob.
Instead, give yourself time to rebuild your life without them. Don’t meet up for coffee, and the only time you should stay friends is if you share children with them. Then you can remain cordial, but it’s still important to separate yourself from them in the beginning.
Jael was dating a guy for about a year, and it was an emotionally confusing relationship. He was wishy-washy and didn’t know what he wanted. When they broke up, she thought it was her fault for not being the perfect girl for him. Right away, she blocked him on social media, and she’s never looked back. She says that she’s learning much more about herself and being happy alone.
Step 3: Move
Move your body, because the stress hormone cortisol will be high after this loss. One way to decrease it is to exercise. And when you exercise, your brain will stimulate the release of endorphins, the feel-good chemical. Even going for a walk will help. Just don’t start walking where your ex lives.
After breaking-up a long-term relationship, one woman channeled her feelings of rejection and lack of confidence into positive actions. She focused on her mental and physical health. And eventually, she realized that she had never pushed herself to be better and create her own happiness. Now, she’s in a more fulfilling relationship.
Step 4: Connect
Connect with friends and family, and seek other support when you need it. A breakup is hard, partly because an important person in your life won’t be there to talk to anymore. We’re social beings, and you need to feel connected to other people. It’s OK to get professional help. Mental health experts can help you through the grieving process, and you can vent to them if your friends are also friends with your ex.
Step 5: Don’t focus on old plans
Just try to get through today. Don’t think about how much time you spent in the relationship, or whether you wasted that time. And don’t think about all the plans you made for the future. That won’t change anything.
Step 6: Forgive
It’s important to practice forgiveness, but it doesn’t need to happen right away. Understand that your ex didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Try to forgive the way they ended the relationship. About 62% of women and 55% of men say that breakups are usually dramatic or messy.
It may feel that there is no love in the world for you, and it might be hard to open yourself up to someone in the future. But you will feel normal again, and you will find a way to love again. And, you may even know more about what you want in a partner now, which could be better for you in the long run.
It’s not like you can go back in time and change everything that happened. or jump ahead until the pain and anger go away. Wouldn’t it be great if you could time travel? Well, we’ve got the perfect video for you.
- “11 Breakup Survival Tips (That Don’t Involve Positive Thinking) – Hey Sigmund“. 2015. Hey Sigmund.
- “Closer To Closure: 10 Tips For Moving On After Getting Dumped – Goodtherapy.Org Therapy Blog“. Goodtherapy.Org Therapy Blog.
- “The Divorce Rate Is Dropping. That May Not Actually Be Good News“. 2021. Time.
- “19 People Share How A Breakup Changed Their Life For The Better“. 2021. Buzzfeed.
- “Stages Of Grief: General Patterns For Breakups, Divorce, Loss, More“. 2021. Healthline.